My husband and I try to spend as much time apart as possible. It makes us stronger. (2024)

Since then, I've been recreating time apart from each other as often as possible, and I now think it's the key to maintaining a healthy relationship with my husband and myself.

We continue to take solo trips

I'm from Miami, while my in-laws live in Tennessee. After seeing how nice it felt to travel alone and return to an affectionate husband, we decided to start visiting our respective families separately.

This gives each of us a handful of trips every year where we are not only apart from one another but we have the opportunity to remember where we came from and who we are as individuals.

Because we work together, it's actually a challenge to stay apart

Since my husband and I work together, our situation is unique. Potentially, we could be together almost all of the time.

To avoid this, we take our own cars to work, so it still feels like we're independent beings from one another. Plus, we really only see each other in passing during the day, and I never eat lunch with him. Even at employee meetings, we do our best to sit separately within our respective departments.

We respect each other's time with friends

Many of my good friends still live in Miami, while my husband has several friends who live in nearby towns.

Every summer, we each take a few days away from home to stay with a friend. While we check on the dates with each other to make sure there are no scheduling conflicts, we also encourage each other to please take some time away.

It's nice to get a break from each other, either at home or at our friends' — where we can be different versions of ourselves.

I do a lot of my self-care away from the house

I like to take long walks, go to yoga classes occasionally, and treat myself to a monthly massage.

I used to feel guilty for using my personal time for myself instead of doing something with my husband, but now I recognize that I'm a better person when I take time to care for myself, which, in turn, makes me a better wife.

Even when we're both home, we have what we call 'alone nights'

My husband and I have dinner together almost every night, but we do not always spend our time before bed together.

We only make a point to cuddle up on the couch and watch one of our shows together once a week. I'm usually up in our room reading every other night, and he's downstairs watching one of his shows.

I like relaxing at night because it's essentially how we operated before we lived together. I get to remember who I was before I found him and how happy I am that I did. When we take our TV night together, I really enjoy it, because it feels special instead of just the norm.

Now, our time together is prioritized

By prioritizing time apart from one another, the time we do spend together feels more important. I am grateful for the times we spend together, and because of that, I can be more present.

The things we do together suddenly become more meaningful. We also make the point to spend our time together in a quality way, such as going on a mini vacation to the beach or planning a weekend date night.

When we aren't spending every moment of our lives together, I don't get used to my husband being around, and it helps me not to take him for granted. Making the point to spend time apart from my husband has been one of the best things we've done for our marriage. It feels like we remain two separate people who are choosing to be with one another.

Plus, when I'm on my own, I fill my own cup and rejuvenate myself so that I come into our relationship feeling whole rather than looking to my husband to complete me.