Ask Amy: Costly, common myths about divorce (2024)

HOUSTON – A major life change like divorce can be stressful and expensive. There are common myths about divorce that can cost you a lot of money. For an episode of Ask Amy, Amy Davis talks with a lawyer who helps women navigate divorce and the top divorce myths that could cost you.

The Truth About Divorce: Dispelling Common Misconceptions

You’ve probably heard half of all marriages end in divorce but in Harris County it’s more like 60%. So this impacts a lot of people.

Board Certified Family Law Attorney Trey Yates runs “The Guide to Good Divorce” seminars. He’s helping bust common divorce misconceptions.

Myth # 1 Sharing an attorney will make things easier

First, he says, sharing an attorney won’t make things easier.

You should never share an attorney.

Myth # 2 Assuming the divorce will be ‘simple’

No matter how amicable things are you should never assume the divorce will be simple.

Yates says it’s a red flag when your spouse or ex-spouse says not to worry about going to court because this will be a simple divorce.

Yates: “Oh goodness, that should set off a lot of red flags. If he comes to you and says, let’s share a lawyer. First of all, it’s an ethical for the lawyer to do that. That should be a big warning sign. Or let’s go to mediation because the lawyers charge too much and we’re going to lose all this money and attorney’s fees don’t go to mediation if you’re not prepared. That’s the message. Yeah. Go unless you are prepared.”

Amy Davis: “Because I think some people hear like, Oh, this is a time where we can lay it all out there. We can both talk. We’re going to come to this agreement. But it can still be quite contentious.”

Yates: “Absolutely. And why wouldn’t you want to negotiate from a position of knowledge and strength? Right. Right. So don’t go into it like a deer in the headlights. The system is rigged so that you have to show your hand before i play it. I got to show you everything that i have, and you got to show me everything that you had. So you are entitled to all of those financial documents, whether he’s taking them out of the house and hid them or not, there are ways of getting them back. So and that’s what lawyers help you do. They help you organize and get access to those documents if you can’t retrieve them yourself.”

Even if you decide to just go to mediation, Yates says often women are not prepared when they show up.

Myth #3 your spouse will pay you support

Another misconception - your spouse will have to pay you support after the divorce. When actually, there is no alimony in Texas.

But you can agree to something called spousal maintenance - but it’s not easy to get.

Yates: “Spousal maintenance means that you got to show that. But for an income stream from the person who no longer now has a duty to support you, that if you don’t get that money, you’re basically going to be living under a bridge. It’s a very punitive, needs based statute. So before you start talking about how much and how long you got to examine with your lawyer as to whether or not you even qualify an. One of the other punitive parts of the statute is that if you get 50% or 60% of the community esteem, that pretty much disqualifies you from then also getting spousal maintenance, because the way the statute is written, it says that, look, Amy, you say you don’t have an income stream, but you got those million dollars in your divorce settlement. You’re going to have to start selling it and liquidating, okay. And that once you that can be used to pay for those reasonably necessary living expenses. And that’s why most people, most ladies don’t qualify.”

When going through a divorce and talking about support you should also prepare for what could be. For example, if you have a special needs child that may need extra services and support in the future.

He says it’s also not true that husband and wife split property and assets 50-50.

For more information: Guide to Good Divorce workshops

See the full Ask Amy episode with Yates on KPRC 2 + right here. Catch episodes every Tuesday at 11 a.m. on KPRC 2+.